Futzing

Greg told a story in Bikram today about a man dithering at a buffet. He couldn’t figure out what he wanted, what might taste good, maybe he wasn’t hungry, he couldn’t tell. He stood there so long that his wife finally said “Good grief, just eat something!”

Then Greg paused and said “and you’re probably wondering why this is relevant…”

We laughed and he said that a lot of us do Bikram like that man. We think too much, consider too many options and dither around. Greg said, “When you go into the pose, don’t futz, pant, stretch and press. Instead, go in and hold it. Wherever you are.”

Jules called Bikram a moving meditation and I think that’s the best description of it, when it’s at its best. When Bikram is hard for me is when I’m trying too hard and my mind won’t shut down. I futz. I’m in each pose thinking of all the ways I could or should be doing it better. I can’t be still, inside or out and I don’t have a single second where I relax into the pose and let go of all the futzing.

Letting go isn’t my forte. I’m a World Champion holder on-er, in Bikram and in life. But I want to practice going into a pose and holding it, leaning into the knowledge that I could go deeper or harder or stronger but that I might gain something from stillness.

I wonder what could happen if I stopped futzing.

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